Not yet

I got together with some folks this morning, and we’ve been meeting for a few months, but the last several weeks I’ve had to make a new choice as I pull out of the lot. The sign says I can only turn right, but I can see, plain as the ding in my windshield, that I can turn left.

I did it for the first few days. There’s not much traffic, and the cones leave a nice open space, and I wasn’t driving the wrong way in the left lane more than a few seconds. From the driveway, I’m only 30 yards from the intersection where I catch my onramp home. If I turn right, it takes minutes and minutes to get to the next overpass. Minutes, I tell you.

So I’d pull into that lot, and we’d talk about what’s standing in the way of doing God’s will in our life, and remind ourselves that we’re not running the show, and commit together to accept the growth we needed and the time we’d need to gain it. We prayed that today we’d make the decisions and take the actions to live open to the Spirit. And then I’d blast past the left side of that right turn arrow.

One morning I figured I’d try it their way.

Lay aside my way. Give up the stress and indecision in that moment of self-justification. Accept the minutes and minutes – maybe a minute and 1/2. And remember that “this, too, shall pass.” Construction isn’t forever. Or, maybe they’ll put in a permanent median. In which case, I’ll be in good practice for the change we’re all going to have to make.

Anyway, I quit thinking about it.

That’s why there’s a sign there, to save me the energy.

Yesterday was my self-imposed deadline for my dissertation. I’m not done yet. Last I heard from my advisor and director of the program, I should just keep writing. By about 10am yesterday, as I saw the signs pointing towards another 48 hours or so of editing, the Great and Terrible Day of the Lord was upon me.

I’ve put a lot into what it means to get this thing done. I’ve talked to some people about how close I am to finishing and how soon I’m going to finish. Some are making sacrifices until my work is done. I got pretty distressed about what I felt I was supposed to be accomplishing.

I made a few phone calls. My friend Keenan said don’t play the mind game. My friend Barry said it’s just not that important. My wife said it’s going to be over eventually. My son said it’d be a great present for his birthday in August.

The important thing is getting home in one piece. Which happened yesterday. I can do that today. Tomorrow has enough worry for itself.

It’s not the end of the world. No left turn today. That’s all.


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